just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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