ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
