He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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