It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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