speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Even my vagina gasped.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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