he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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