I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
