If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
