I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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