how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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