i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
