Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
