Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
