I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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