chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
