i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
