just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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