i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
