im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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