Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
