Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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