she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
