They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
