He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
