Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
