I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
