I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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