I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
