I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
