Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
