I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
