I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
