thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
