I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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