My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
