This is not my ceiling
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
