Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
