Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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