I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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