last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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