Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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