She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
NoShamevember. You game?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
