hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
