i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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