Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
