Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
