If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
