this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
