We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
