Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
